You Started A War {OPEN

[Chasity Atherton]

From across the room, Chasity couldn't hear the words that passed between Lily and her family, but she knew that they were discussing the fight. She wanted desperately to know what Lily was telling them, but it just wasn't possible. Lily's mother arrived and a little more chaos ensued, but everyone was ignoring her for the most part. An unbearable amount of time passed before James finally approached her. She smiled half-heartedly at him, glad that he didn't hate her. That meant that Lily had at least been partially, if not wholly, honest about the situation. Then he asked that difficult question. She cleared her throat, which was tight now from her tension. James, the other night was really an accident. The things I told you... I've never said them to anyone else in my entire life. Kissing you was a mistake. I don't want to come between you and your girlfriend. If things were different... She paused and looked down. Well, it doesn't matter. If you don't want us to be friends, I understand. Things are awkward now because of everything that's happened now and I don't know how to deal with any of it. I do like you, and I think it's because it's so easy to talk to you. I probably shouldn't have even talked to you about any of that. You just make it so easy to do. But my feelings don't really matter. She lowered her voice to a barely audible level before adding, They never have. To anyone. A moment passed before a single tear fell then she quickly stiffened her face, putting on a perfectly detached expression, determined not to show her weakness. Thoughts were flying through her mind. The stupid duel was a mistake. The kiss had been a mistake. Maybe even her friendship with James had been a mistake, but she couldn't stop the feeling that she was falling in love with him. That may have been the worst mistake of all. If she had never talked to him on the train, then none of this would have happened. She would have gone on the last years at Hogwarts being the cold, calculating, unfeeling girl that she had always pretended to be and eventually, it would have stopped being fake. She had her amends to make with Lily, but then she would just... go on. It would have been far easier for her if he hated her. Letting go of James Potter was necessary if she wanted to stop this pain, but she wasn't sure she could make that sacrifice.

[James Potter]

Softly as your dress flows
You say that you're alone
I know I can't leave you
Lonely and on your own

What James was expecting was not the earful he got. His gaze kept switching between Chasity's sad face and the floor. It was so hard to look at her as she expressed her feelings for him. It hurt knowing he couldn't help her or fix her. He wanted to be friends with her, but that wasn't enough for Chasity. The whole mess with the duel really put a cloud over their friendship, but he couldn't just abandon her. No matter how much it hurt him that she harmed his sister. That was one of James' faults, caring too much. Being the oldest in his family, taught him to always be the protector. Right now he wanted to protect the Slytherin. It really didn't make any sense. But one thing he learned from his dad was that nothing made sense. Ever. His dad's whole life made no sense. James shouldn't expect his experiences to be the opposite.

"It matters to me..." he said near a whisper. "Really." James was terrible at words and explaining how he felt. He wished he could just dump it all out of his brain and put it on a platter for her to look it. It would be so much easier. With her liking him, it made it especially difficult to say the right things. He didn't want to hurt her more than he already has. After a few moments of more awkward silence, he finally thought he found the right things to say. "I want to be your friend. I just don't know how."


WORDS: 347
TAGS: Chasity, et al.
COMMENTS: ---
LYRICS: "Ghost of York" - As Tall as Lions

[Chasity Atherton]

James' response was simple. Her feelings did matter to him, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He wanted to stay friends, but how? I don't know. Maybe we can't be. Maybe we shouldn't be. Chasity had never had a friend that was worth fighting for, and now that there was, she didn't know how to. James would always know that she wanted more, and Penny would probably view her as a threat. Then there was Lily, and there was no telling how that situation would turn out. James' parents would probably always hate her because of the day's events. The whole friendship was... disastrous. But I want to be your friend. But then it's difficult. Everyone has always thought the worst of me and I've always let it be true. Your family hates me! Everyone thinks I have some ulterior motive for hanging out with you.

It struck her then that she didn't even know why James wanted to be her friend. It didn't really seem like the appropriate time to ask, except for the fact that his answer would severely influence her opinion on whether or not to try to fix things. Was she just some project? Did he see good where no one else had and wanted to bring that out? Was it just boredom on that train? Or was it something else altogether? She had to know. Why are we friends? Why do you.... Why do you want to be friend? No one else ever has. Why you? Her tone wasn't demanding or forceful, but it wasn't pleading or whining either.